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29 July 2011 @ 01:11 am
diary entry.. i guess?  
 I feel like lately I'm getting distracted from everything I really care about.
I mean, sure I had to focus on getting my license but.. that's done now, and I'm sick of getting constantly distracted from what I want to do with stupid shit like my 'friends' arguing with me, having to go places all the time, signing up for school, etc.
I miss the days when I could stay up until the sun came up, listen to Dir en grey all night (okay I'm totally doing that now but still), and talk to the people I care about.
I guess it's good that I'm going out and doing stuff, but what's the point when it's not even stuff I want to do? I do really like some of my friends around here, and yeah it's nice hanging out with them, but I don't want to argue constantly with the people I'm trying to get out of my life. I'm scared that the rest of the summer will be like this and once I go back to school I'll have even less time, because I'll have to get a job too. I want to actually spend the end of summer doing things I want to do, even if most of that is sitting around at home fangirling and doing almost nothing.
I want to write so badly. Whether it's my chapter fic, a oneshot, or that Uru/Aoi that I've been so lazy with... even if I don't have a lot of ideas write now, I want to do something.
I haven't even finished either of my art projects for summer, I've only been working on them slowly late at night while I watch movies and stuff..

To some extent, I feel like I'm not in control of my life right now, and it scares me badly. I know I won't lose them, but I'd give everything I have for some of the relationships I've got, and I don't want to lose those by being gone so much of the summer. The last thing I'd ever want to do is take those few people for granted, because truly they're the most important thing to me, even if I'm absolute shit at showing it.

Okay well I guess I'll stop whining and go to bed.. I just needed to say this and I'm sorry to anyone who ends up reading this, I'm sure it's quite boring :c

♡mood: listlesslistless
♡music: DECAYED CROW - Dir en grey
Reketrebnirmavep777 on July 29th, 2011 07:04 am (UTC)
don't worry dear...things are like this.it's not like I'm free all the time either...this is called life and becoming an adult::/ it sucks but it is how it is....but I know that we always manage to talk and to find a time to do things..
mirukutotchi_ai on July 29th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
i know.. really i should stop complaining and everything but i feel like it's just coming so fast :/ i'm sure i'll just learn to deal with it..
and i'm really glad for that, to be honest i dunno what i'd do if i ever lost you.
Reketrebnirmavep777 on July 30th, 2011 07:52 am (UTC)
you're not gonna lost me~